Sufficiency

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." --2 Corinthians 12:9

I've quoted this verse because it is essentially the reverse of what the world, and even the church, values today. Paul is open when he writes this. Paul is honest. He never considered himself to be anything grand; he knew he had problems, and even called himself the least of the apostles, despite writing approximately half of the new testament. The only thing that Paul was was obedient. That was why he was so revered. That was why washcloths he had used healed people. He wanted the power of Christ and wasn't interested in faking his preeminence.

I think those of us who are a part of the Church grow largely disillusioned. Years of history, the selfish ambitions of man, and the Enemy have led to a great deal of false Gospels--Gospels where Christ becomes a means to the end of happiness, wealth, prosperity, and even virtue. But perhaps the greatest trick of the Devil is to make those of us who believe afraid to walk in what we know to be true, the true Gospel.

I've been reading a great deal of C.S. Lewis lately. In one of his greatest works, "The Screwtape Letters," he writes a series of correspondence between two demons--a senior official and his nephew who is a novice tempter. Clearly, as Lewis points out, the demons are always looking to entrap their subjects into some great sin. But far more often their strategy is one of false belief, mixing up the issues, and complaceny. Screwtape advises his nephew Wordwood to instill in his subject's mind the words "Puritan" and "Democratic" to force the man to keep from striving for discipline and virue. He tries to keep him focused on the historical Jesus' acts in order to keep him from considering the reality of Christ's death and gift. And he encourages denominational splits.

And that is why I've quoted the Scripture above. The Church as a whole has moved away from openness and honesty. If I see you in the pew, and you ask me how my day's going, I feel obligated to tell you any little white lie ranging from "fine" to "good" to "all right"--anything to keep you from discovering the fact that I'm struggling with sin or doubt or fear. And this, at large, is a great danger. It causes us not to need each other any longer. It causes us to be the "Lone Ranger Christian" that is so often preached against despite that fact that we're sitting through sermons every Sunday and Wednesday (Or Saturday for you Adventist folks).

Paul in this scripture is being honest. He is open. He is "confessing his sin one to another" in order to be healed. He is laying bare his thorn in the flesh, and Christ offers him his grace, with the comfort that it is enough.

I spoke about C.S. Lewis earlier. I'm currently reading "A Grief Observed," which is by far the most honest and cutting book I have ever read. In it, Lewis journals about the loss of his wife, to whom he was married for only a few years. Wearing on his at this time were the trauma of caring for his wife for the last week of her life, the physical pain of osteoporosis, and the struggles to remember the one true love of his life as she was without constructing a false memory of her. He questions God, and suddenly feels the finality of death, despite being surrounded by Christian friends who assure him that "Death is not the end" or "There is no death": "There is death. And whatever is matters. And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are ireevocable and irreversible. You might as well say that birth doesn't matter. I look up at the night sky. Is anything more certain than that in all those vast times and spaces, if I were allowed to search them, I should nowhere find her face, her voice, her touch? She died. She is dead. Is the word so difficult to learn?"

And yet it is in these moments, in the pain of death and grief and sorrow and sin and conviction, that the Lord rests. That His strength is made perfect. Lewis likewise questions why God seems to offer so freely his graces when times are good, but why they seem to be withdrawn in times of worst distress. Christ is teaching us in these times to stand on our own two legs, yet is still there to catch us if we should fall. He is making us into the kinds of creatures He wishes us to be. That is why we can rejoice in times of trouble--it is because the knowledge, the true knowledge that Christ has come and died and is back alive and offers life to us if only we will persevere and trust Him, overrides our feelings. This doesn't mean hiding our sadness and sturggles; it means we should share them, that the body may grow to a full knowledge and confidence in the strength of Christ.

Jesus is so worthy of our trust, so worthy of our affection. He is worthy because He paid the price to buy us from the penalty of our sin. As though that were not enough, He offers us the new life of His resurrection, and the assurance of help the walk the narrow road toward His kingdom.

A Call to Die

Let's start at the beginning: When I was....about 16 years old, I became a disciple of Jesus Christ. I had been a believer for a while, but it wasn't until I was 16 that I truly began to seek hard after the heart and the will and the glory of the Lord. At this time in my life, the Lord began to impress on me the bigness of the world. That there were floating villages in Peru, skyscrapers in China, secret coves in places I can't even pronounce, places and people and lives all happening simultaneously with mine, and the Lord knew every bit of it. I fell in love with the idea of travel, something that up until that point in my life had been something I never would have dreamed of doing. At this point in my life, it became a very distinct yearning to go and to see all of these places to find myself in a land completely foreign to myself and everything I had ever known. This surely was nothing short of romantic fantasy, a longing for adventure and danger, at this point I simply desired to be well traveled and well cultured. Shortly hereafter though, the Lord gave me an image in my mind of the world as a dark place. Where His children were gathered was bright with the Light of His Presence, for instance a church gathering or a worship service would be positively luminescent with all of the little lights shining brightly all together. At the same time, however, He showed me that with all of these little lights together, one tiny light wasn't going to make all that much difference. Like if you were to take one grain of sand from the beach, one wouldn't even notice it was gone. If you put that same grain of sand in someone's eye however, they will take note. In the same way, the Lord told me that a little light could make a world of difference to a very dark place. He called me to take the light of His gospel to the darkest places I could find. This floored me, I had never even considered the possibility of myself as a missionary. I just wanted to be the normal Christian, ministering to the people I worked with, raising a family, and going to church twice a week. "Missionary" was a foreign word to me and at first, I didn't even want to claim it. I decided that United Market Street (where I worked at the time) was the darkest place around and I was just supposed to share His light there (come to find out, while I was supposed to be faithful in this way and the Lord did want me to share Him with those around me, United Market Street is rather alight with people who call on the Name of the Lord). So, I struggled greatly with this call for awhile, not really being sure of what it meant. The Lord was so gracious to put around me the best possible influences: my two best friends, Katie Bobbitt and my now husband Brandon who had both received similar callings. Together we searched the scriptures, prayed earnestly, and tried to live in a missional way that was pleasing to the Lord in the meantime. My friend Katie got her answer in the form of a call to serve in Uganda. Brandon and I at this point decided that maybe we were supposed to serve in Africa as well as his best friend Warren had also been called to Uganda. Wherever we were supposed to go, the Lord never let us doubt that we were to go. During this time, the Lord called me yet again to a life of not-normalness. It was literally a violent ripping away of myself and my heart from the world and it's offerings: I had to chose between a life of reckless abandon to my Royal Husband, or a boy who claimed he loved me. After struggling for months over this decision, in a heartbeat, I was won over by the call on my life. I remember telling my mom the night I broke up with this kid "I can't live in a nice house with a minivan and a white picket fence and a little dog and five kids. I wasn't made for that". The Lord called me away from normalcy. I later married my best friend Brandon, which I never would have done had we not shared the same call and the same passion for Jesus. At the time our hearts were very hard, we stubbornly told the Lord we would go anywhere as long as He didn't tell us to stay in Amarillo. This showed our hearts and He really had to break us down on this point. It had become less about glorifying the Lord and more about leaving our po-dunk town behind and living an adventure, we were behaving much in the same way as I had when the Lord showed me the bigness of the world. We wanted to go for going's sake, not for the Lord's or the gospel's. Recently, (praise Him!) He has broken us, transformed our minds, and caused so great a surrender in our hearts and minds that we both were brought to a place where if we were called to serve in Amarillo for the rest of our lives, we would do it with a love for the gospel on our tongues and a song in our heart, praising the Lord and serving Him wholeheartedly. At the same time, through studying the gospels, the book of Acts and 1 Corinthians together, we began to feel a burden for the unreached. Those 6,000 or so people groups that are perishing daily without ever having heard the name of Jesus Christ and His gospel. Brandon and I have loved Asia for a long time. If I could go anywhere in the world right now, it would be China. I LOVE China! I was fortunate enough to go there a couple of years ago and have since become slightly obsessed with the Chinese underground church. They have experienced the biggest church growth in history-I find this fascinating, but am assured that China needs no help from foreign missionaries. Someone once asked "Why should anyone hear the gospel twice when there are those who have not heard it once?" The other night the Lord showed us that He wants us to shed our blood for the gospel in Asia. I know there are people like K.P. Yohannan who claim that foreign missionaries are not needed in Asia, and I think he has a great point. There are places in Asia where foreign missionaries simply are not allowed to go, at which point national missionaries and evangelists are necessary. However, Romans asks the question "How then can they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach unless they are sent?" Romans 10:14-15. The fact is that two out of every three people alive on earth lives in Asia. There are 100,000 missionaries in the world, and only 2% work among people groups classified as "unreached". 70% of Asians have never even heard the name of my sweet savior. The harvest is ready, but the workers are few. Hudson Taylor, founder of the China Inland Mission once said "The Great Commission is not a possibility to be considered, it is a command to be obeyed." As disciples of Christ who have been called to go into the darkest corners of this earth with the Light of Christ, we find that the darkest corners exist in the House of Buddha and the House of Mohamed among the Asian nations. In some of these places, evangelism is completely outlawed. In Tibet for example, the Buddhists who are typified as being peaceful and accepting have a past soaked in the blood of martyrs who gave their lives to see their killers saved. If I have to die, I would die a martyr, but that is not why we go. We pray that the Lord's Spirit would be poured out on us that we may witness boldly to the Truth and that we may give a courageous testimony as we seek to know only Christ and Him crucified. Please pray with us for the Lord to lead us and for us to know Him more. May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward for His suffering!!!